Here is a second grade student writing sample prior to instruction. This was a required timed assessment, administered at the beginning of second grade.
“One day I went to my grandmother’s farm. She asked to milk the cow so I went into the barn to milk the cow where I heard a noise. I went to the corner to see what it was. It was a puppy it was a very cuter puppy. My grandmother let me keep him. I named him Rover. The End”
This is the same second grade student's writing sample AFTER three months of writing instruction. The teacher used the Empowering Writers lessons and materials for delivering the following skills:
• Writing an entertaining story beginning
• Creating vivid elaborative detail
• Building suspense
• Generating extended story endings
The Magical Ride
"I was outside on a wintery day. It was icy cold and light white and the sky was white like snow. I was having fun in the cold snow when I saw a gold and silver thing with bright purple, green and blue diamonds and it stood on an open platform. It seemed to have wheels on the bottom of it. It started to move and I wondered why. I felt like sitting and I wanted to sit on it so I did.
Suddenly it moved and I was riding down a hill like a rocket. Wow! Suddenly a steering wheel and a seat belt came up. I held on tight. Suddenly somehow I did a flip. Cool! Ouch! I fell off in so much pain I could hardly get up. But I did. I got on again and held tighter and didn’t fall off. That was a fun ride but I was getting tired. I told it to take me home and it did. I went inside and I’ll never forget that day.”
You can see that the improvements are directly related to instruction, and are easily identifiable.
Impressed with this student writing sample? The Comprehensive Narrative Guide provides everything you need to achieve similar results in your classroom.
Click here to see how Empowered teachers use "Annotated Student Samples" to drive instruction
Another second grade student writing sample prior to instruction.
“I flyed to my grandma and milked the cow and BOOM!!! I was scared. I found what it is making the noise. Pe-u the cow farted.”
Clearly, there are greater needs in this piece than in sample #1. Here you can see evidence of the following skills that were taught over 5-month period of time:
• Writing an entertaining story beginning
• Creating vivid elaborative detail
• Building suspense
• Generating extended story endings
• Creating a fully elaborated main event
“I slowly walked inside the oldest house in the town. It smelled like coffins in the house. The black paint was chipped. I saw some scattered bones on the staircase. I saw some rotten cheese lying on the ground. I wondered if rates live in this house. I think I’ll investigate. I came to a pile of bones and they all came together and a skeleton came out of the bones. He chased me and chased me. I saw his hands coming at me. I heard cracking sounds. I finally slammed the door. I wish I never went in there.”
The Comprehensive Narrative Guide provides everything you need to achieve results in your classroom like this student writing sample.
Click here to see how Empowered teachers use "Annotated Student Samples" to drive instruction
A sixth grade student sample for narrative writing.
"Ryan's Story"
While in 6th grade, Ryan wrote this story about his grandmother. This piece was submitted by Ryan’s mother who expressed her amazement at how her son noticed the details of everyday life.
I heard a rustling sound and looked up from my book to find the woman seated across from me pulling and orange from a white plastic bag with a cracked andfaded Stop and Shop logo printed on the front. She looked up, when our eyes met, she gave me a quizzical sort of look, followed by a warm smile that revealed stained teeth from what seemed to be years of neglect. Then she held up the orange as an offering. I shook my head no, and her attention went back to the orange.
She held it in her hands that seemed too large for her small thin body. They were deeply tanned and the creases and lines in them reminded me of a dry, midwestern plain. The knuckles seemed painfully swollen and her short nails harbored black dirt. They reached up to push back the long strands of gray hair that had fallen forward before they set to work on the orange. Clumsily, her thumbs force a hole in the orange peel and began ripping off quarter‐sized pieces.A small pile accumulated on her lap. When the orange was stripped of its skin she split it into sections and one by one chewed them slowly as she stared at her dusty white bobby socks and brown leather sandals.
Juice dribbled down her chin and landed on her brown wrinkled chest, which was already moist with sweat. She wiped her chin with the back of one of her hands and wiped it on the skirt of her faded blue sundress that looked like it was stained with a few earlier meals. She did not hear the train as it lumbered in from the south and when it roared is deafening whistle she jumped spilling the peels and her last piece of orange on the ground. She carefully leaned over and picked up the orange, blew on it, wiped it on her dress and then popped it into her mouth. She slowly chewed on it as she picked up the peels. As my train pulled away, I watched as she hobbled over to the garbage through the dirty windows of the train.
The Comprehensive Narrative Guide provides everything you need to achieve results in your classroom like this student writing sample.
Click here to see how Empowered teachers use "Annotated Student Samples" to drive instruction
Narrative Student Samples - Page 2
