Narrative Student Samples

1st Grade Sample after 2 years of Empowering Writers instructions

Finish this story.  Make it exciting

"One Day at the Beach"

The waves crashed against the sane.  I plopped my pack down and spread out my towel.  It was going to be a wonderful day.  Just then...

“My little brother pulled the towel out from under me and I fell face first in the sand.  The hot gritty sand tasted salty.  I could hear Sam laughing and I was getting madder by the minute.  Suddenly I felt something moving by my cheek.  When I wiped the sand off my face I saw a nest of sea turtle eggs.  Baby sea turtles were hatching out of blue speckled eggs.  The minute they hatched they ran right to the ocean.  I forgot about my family on the beach and followed the sea turtles into the ocean.  I looked down to see the bottom of the ocean and realized I had a mermaid tail.  I swam with the sea turtles.  We saw red coral, dolphins and angelfish.  The water was blue and clear.  We had fun!  Suddenly I remembered my family on the beach.  As I swam toward the beach my tail disappeared.  I walked up on the beach and my family wondered where I had been.  I laughed but never told them about my secret adventure with the sea turtles.”

"Before & After" Samples

4th Grade Student in August

"Last Saturday I went over David's house and we played the Sega and the N64 then we went ourside, and played football then we went back inside adn played with his Guinea pig then we went over my house and jumped on the trampoline for a little while then we went in my house and played the playstation for a while then we went to Craig's house and played his Dega Dreamcast for a while then we went back over David's house and watched t.v. and then me and Craig prent the night over David's and we scared his sisters by puttin on scream and sombie looking maskes.  Me and Craig spent the night and we stayed up all nicht playing games playing with his Guinea pig and playing his Sega Dreamcast and also playing the N64 and watching Battlebots and cartoons."

Same 4th Grade Student in February

"Have you ever had a day when you think everything is going to be perfect buy then something strange happened?  Well I have and it started when I was walking to class on morning and I saw something I had never noticed before.  It was brown and as smooth as a book cover.  It had a knob that was as golden as a crown.  My curiosity reach an all time high so I had to see what was inside.  I opened the door you would not believe what I saw.  It's weird shaped head and green pruney skin made it look hundreds of years old.  This creature was 2 feet tall.  This creature reminded me of a creature I saw in a movie last week.

The next thing I knew the creature was motioning for me to go inside another door.  Maybe I should go in the door.  This might be a trap.  But my curiosity reached an all time high.  As soon as I appeared in the room the creature grabbed me and held a ray gun up to my head.  I think he’s trying to shoot me.  I think I should run.  I took off in a spurt down the hall.  The creature was gaining on me.  ‘Help he’s going to shoot me’.  Faster, faster, faster I said to myself.  The throbbing pain in my legs seemed unbearable.  How can I go on?  Blood was pumping in my temples.  Dodging door after door.  I can’t beat him by strength I’ll beat him with brain power.  I need to find out to escape.  I got to keep on running no matter what.  How do I escape from here?  I must escape from this place.  “Think, think, think’.  Doors.  If I can slam a door loud enough for the alien to stop then I can find a way to escape from this place.  But where’ another door at?  I ran faster and to my surprise I found a door.  Slam!  The alien stopped in his tracks and dropped the raygu which gave me a chance to escape.  All of a sudden I saw a door with the sign exit over it.  I opened the door and escaped.

Wow this was a day I will never forget.  Next time I see a mysterious door I won’t enter.  I hope I’m not late for class.  When I close my eyes I can still see the alien looking for me.”

4th Grade Student After Sample

“Crunch, crunch!  The ruff leaves  crackled under my feet.  I saw tall, brown truncked trees that stood over me like giants.  I hered the birds chirping soft sweet sounds that sounded like music.  I felt the cool wind blowing agenst my checks.  My nose sniffed a butiful red rose.  All of a sudden I heard a rustling sound in the bushes.  I peered into the bushes.  That was when I saw it!  It had a dark blue dress with twinkeling purple stars on it.  She had rosie red checks and big blue eyes.  She had a set of pale wings that shined in the sun.  And in her hand was a golden wand.  It was a..a…a…FAIRY!  My mouth dropped open.  My eyes got big and wide.  I was shocked. “Are you a fairy” I asked.  “Yes” she said.  “I will grant you one wish.”  I thought and thought.  Finally it hit me!  “I wish I could go back in time to see…to see…to see the dinosars!  “Are you sure you want to wish for that,” asked the fairy.  “Yes,” I said.  “OK” she said.  “Your wish is granted”. 

Suddenly we were back in time to the dinosours!  “Bye”, called the fairy.  “wait”, I yelled. But she didn’t hear me.  “I guess I’m on my own, “ I said.  I looked around me.  Stegosareses chomped on plants and wacked at trees with their tails.  Taridackdols flew over my head and swiped down into the water for food.  Trisarotops charged at rocks and protected their young.  Long necked brontosauruses cooled themselves of in the stream.  I climed onto one and rode it.  “Weeeee” I yelled.  Suddenly we heard a loud noise.  Boom, boom grrrr.  All of a sudden a tiranosarus rex ran out of a bush.  Everybody ran including me but the T-Rex saw me.  He ran after me.  “Ahhhh” I screamed.  “Help me somebody, ahhhh, help me fairy help me!”  All of a sudden the fairy appeared.  “Help me fairy, help me,” I begged.  The fairy waved her magic want over me.  Soon I was invisible.  The T-Rex turned around in the other direction to look for something else to eat.  “Can I go back to my house,” I said.  “But you can only have one wish” said the fairy.  “Please, please, please” I said.  “All right” she said.  She waved her magic want and soon I was back at my house.  I felt sage and relieved that I was back home.  I still remember that fairy.  I wish she was still here I decided that I would never wish to go back to the dinisour time agin.