The author has rich vocabulary and an emerging sense of story.

 

What worked?:

• The author has a very interesting and grabbing beginning describing the setting

• There is evidence of a beginning, middle, and end

• The problem was clearly stated in the beginning of the main event

Suggestions:

• It would help to use “Red Flag Phrases” when you are using the Magic of Three to help move from one hint to the next.  Comprehensive Narrative Guide   – p.219, 228-231  
  

• There were only two hints when building suspense with the “Magic of Three".  Comprehensive Narrative Guide  – p. 216    

• The main event needs to be stretched out more with a mix of action, description, dialogue, and thoughts.  If you were to go back and color code the main event it would be clear that there is at least one of each of these components.  Comprehensive Narrative Guide   – p. 255-266          

• To keep the story moving along from one event to the next, try not to have the main character taking naps or falling asleep during the story.