Have a look at this next expository piece written by a sixth grader.  It has decent organization, but little in terms of interesting language, and elaboration.  It is, basically, a collection of simple facts around main ideas.

Following the student samples you’ll see an example of the result of a revision created through what we call “The Author’s Group Model” approach.  A description of the authors’ group model is included for your review following the annotated revision.

Click here to view writing sample.