This is a well organized, solid piece of writing.

The introduction introduces the main ideas that are each broad enough to cover a number of interesting details, each of which is distinct from the others.  The author uses many specific details and examples, an amazing fact, and an anecdote – all tools for showing rather than telling.  There is also a bit of linking a fact to the idea of elaborating on that by explaining why that fact is important to the main idea.  (Ex. Lonely people can get a dog – they’d have a cuddly friend, they go through an entrance blocked by fire to lead people out.)  There’s also good word choice throughout this piece.

What worked?

• strong organizational strategy

• effective combination of broad yet distinct main ideas

• numerous specific examples along with why these facts are important to the main idea

• good word choice

• use of a hypothetical anecdote to bring the reader in touch, hypothetically, with the topic

• creatively restates main ideas in the conclusion

Suggestions:

• Introduction – lead would be strengthened with a descriptive segment, anecdote, or other specific information  Comprehensive Expository Guide – p. 301, 304-341

• Main idea 1 and 2 – try varying the sentence structure – both main idea sentences begin with “Dogs are….”  Comprehensive Expository Guide – p.155-158

• This author could more consistently tie in the detail generating questions: “What does it look like?” and “Why is it important?” using transitional words such as, “so that… therefore…as a result…consequently…for that reason…" Comprehensive Expository Guide – p. 260-266

• This author could come up with a more attention-grabbing title, perhaps through the use of word referents.  Comprehensive Expository Guide – p. 178-183