"Wow!  Is Autumn Here Already?"

This well-organized piece has lots of vivid sensory detail.

It is awkward in places, but, all in all, the author does a good job of painting a picture of the smells, feelings, and sights of autumn.

What worked?

• a solid organizational strategy

• plenty of sensory detail

• good variety of main idea sentences, one stated as a question

• the author’s enthusiasm for her topic is evident

Suggestions:

• word choice – the author repeats many key words (smell, taste, etc.)  The author can become of aware of this by scanning the piece for repeated words and vary some of them.  Comprehensive Expository Guide – p.178-183

• the author begins and ends the paragraphs in the body of the piece with a variation on the same sentence, perhaps to reiterate the main idea.  However, the piece is just as strong without that redundancy.

• the piece would benefit by a stronger lead  Comprehensive Expository Guide – p.178-183 – p. 301, 304-341

• the conclusion paragraph is overly general and seems to focus on taste, even though that is not one of the main ideas.   Instead of the repeated sentiment of loving autumn, that autumn is great, etc., the author could learn some additional techniques such as hypothetical anecdote, the use of informative verbs, and word referents.  Comprehensive Expository Guide – p.178-183 – p.302-303, 343-381